~Inspiring Words Compilation~ 4

~Your mind needs to be as healthy as your body. Prevention is better than cure. So keep your mind clean by seeing good, listening good, thinking good, talking good, and doing good, to avoid wasting your time recovering from the problems you've created.

~You might not have been born with a silver spoon but definitely you were born with a golden mind. Therefore, say this with me: My MIND needs to be MINED so that the GOLD MINE will be MINE. Remember to open every door of opportunity, and if it appears to be locked, kick it down.

 ~When others treat you with aggression and contempt, it is because they have realized that you possess certain qualities, which they are unable to attain in life. Keep on being you. Hatred meted out by others is just fuel to boost your success.

 ~Count your joy instead of your sorrows; count your healings instead of your wounds. Count your friends instead of your foes; count your courage instead of your fears. Count your health instead of your wealth; count on God instead of yourself. If you stay in gratitude, you will have a fantastic attitude.

~Faith is the substance that fills the potholes on the highway of life.


 -Akindele Akinyemi

~Inspiring Words Compilation~ 3

~Before you begin a relationship with someone, make sure that your relationship with God is where it suppose to be. All things are possible through Christ✞. Enjoy your day! ツ


~We all cry for different reasons. There's nothing wrong about crying. It doesn't mean you're weak.
Tears are a sign of strength. {Especially for the fellas, it doesn't make you less than a man if you shed a few tears}.
Tears release the pain that words cannot express and the soul can't bare, but tears of joy are always the best tears. There's no reason to be embarrassed about crying, we all do it.


~Words are very powerful. They can affect a person's emotional state in a lot of ways. It doesn't matter if you write them, or speak them. They can make you or break you. They can make someone love you, leave you or even want to kill you. "It's not what you say, it's how you say it". Think twice about what you're going to say, before you say it.


~Everyone has flaws because not everyone sees eye to eye, or have the same beliefs. Flaws are nothing but differences. When we meet new people we automatically notice similarities and we immediately appreciated them. When we notice the differences we get turned off immediately.


~Never let a few small differences make a decision for you. "If you respect someone else's differences, eventually you will grow together".

~∂єяяαl кєllу ツ




　

~Inspiring Words Compilation~ 2

~ Obviously, never compare your life to others… What's meant to be will so enjoy what's put in place for you and be genuinely happy for others…

~No matter what happens in life, always be loyal to your support system! Have their backs, never talk trash about them behind their backs and appreciate them… We may not have the people we thought would be apart of our support system which may be blood or a childhood friend for example, but just know there will be people sent to you from God! Those people are few and far between so honor them, never try to use and abuse them. Cherish them…

~If you're in a one-sided relationship with any human being, you're doing yourself a disservice by staying in it… Why allow yourself to live like that?? Who are they that you have to sit comfortably in that one sided situation? Are you not valuable?? Do you deem yourself desperate for that person's presence?? You're better than that!! Move on, keep it moving… Someone will see your true value!! For those that don't, it's nothing because they're going to have to eat what they dish out eventually…

~We hurt others even when we never meant to hurt them… Sometimes, the damage is too great, even though that person can and will heal. You've still left them with damage that came from you and there's no turning back from it… Sure they'll forgive you maybe… At times, somewhere in their hearts, they can't forget and have a relationship with you after having been hurt by you and that's ok… Just learn from your mistakes and try not to bruise the next person… Some relationships are strong enough to get past the hurt and move forward in a positive direction… Others aren't… The old cliché is true… Some are in your life for a reason or a season. You'll know based upon each individual circumstance...

 ~Life has so many twists that you'll never know where you'll be the next day or week… You must go with it because you have no choice. My thing is, keep your morale high and learn to adjust with each twist… Look at them as never getting bored in life… If you're never bored, you won't have too many reasons to complain.

-Calley Calz

~Inspiring Words Compilation~ 1

~Problems are the platforms for promotions. Problems are the seeds for rewards. Why sit here and die when your promotion is now? I decree right now that whatever you are going through that is draining your spirit it is your gain to the next level in the name of Jesus the Messiah.

~It is true things are easier said then done but when we keep going down the same road, only to hit a dead end repeatedly, instead of keep going back find another route and enjoy keep going forward. Therefore, When the Devil reminds you of your past, remind him of his future.

~The price of excellence is discipline; the cost of mediocrity is disappointment. What you are doing today, it will count to you tomorrow. Therefore, with every failure, every crisis, every difficult time, as soon as you get the lesson, you get to move on. If you really get the lesson, you pass and you don't have to repeat the class.

~When I woke up this morning lying in bed, I asked myself, 'What are some of the secrets of success in life?' I found the answer right there, in my very room. The Fan said... Be Cool. The Roof said... Aim High. The Window said... See the World. The Clock said... Every minute is precious. The Mirror said... Reflect before you act. The Calendar said... Be up to date. The Door said... Push Hard for your Goals. I say God is in control so don't complain.

~The moment you were conceived in your mother's womb made you a great person. Circumstances do not determine your future. The future you seek is shaped and brewed in the mind. Never abort your dreams to please others. Take actions to actualize your visions. A vision without an action becomes a nightmare.

-Akindele Akinyemi

~Inspiring Words Compilations~

This is the start of a beautiful thing for my blog.  I feel as though I am placed on this earth by God as a messenger.  Not only a messenger, but one that is put here to uplift.  This does not mean that I will always be in an uplifting mood.  This also does not mean that I won't have moments whereas I will need to be inspired and uplifted out of a negative mood myself. We are all here for a reason. At times during my blogging experience, I will be posting compilations simply called Inspiring Words.  These Inspiring words won't only come from me, they'll come from others that are also called to inspire as well.  My Blog will still consist of various subject matters as it always has.  I just feel that there needs to be Inspiring Words available to those that may need a pick me up and words of wisdom that needs to be shared. Stay Tuned... 

~Why Some Women Cheat~

*Advisory: Suitable For Mature Adults Only

I will give a short synopsis as to why some women cheat...

Some women cheat because of being tired of being cheated on by someone that claims to love them. Women are emotional creatures so if a guy can get in our heads, 8 times out of 10, he can get in our beds. When some women are with a guy that is not well endowed, they yearn for that pulsating pounding that they know they may be able to get from a guy that is well endowed. Some give sex to get love so they are willing to cheat on their mate because their mate is lacking in the emotional arena.

Some men become complacent in their relationships, think that they have given all they can, their women are nagging, and that they do not have to say and do what they have said and done in order to keep their women happy. Boredom plays a HUGE part in the reasoning behind some women cheating.

Women mainly cheat emotionally which typically leads to sexually. Many people deem emotional cheating the most dangerous because now the heart is involved. Once many women find out their men are in or have been in an emotional affair, they cannot deal with it as opposed to when they find out their men have cheated sexually. Some women cheat sexually to help assist them in leaving a dead-end relationship.

Just like there are various reasons why men cheat, there are even more reasons why women cheat. It is weird that the very same men, doing the cheating, cannot handle it when they find out they have been cheated on. The saga continues because this is how our world is today. If you are tempted to cheat, the best thing to do is flee from the situation that is the cause. Unless, you just do not care anymore and want out of your current situation.

　
If you want to add your feedback ladies, feel free and you can post it anonymously here on my blog.

Thanks for reading...

~Why Some Men Cheat~

*Advisory: Adult Language

Cheating is an ongoing subject that plaques today's society. It has happened to many and if it has not happened, just know that it can happen. There are many people that claim to have never cheated and kudos to those people, keep up great work. It takes hard work and extreme dedication to be and stay faithful these days. I went on a small mission to ask a few men that were willing to give me insight, Why Do Men Cheat? My goal was to gain a fresh perspective. The cheater is not necessarily an evil person, but is sometimes crying out for change. Others just want to have their cake and eat it as well. I have polled various anonymous men in search of their insight. I was able to get six of them to give me their feedback right away so here goes...

　
Guy 1: Hello Calley, I am always glad to oblige you in these conversations! I have been a cheater for various reasons, just as I've been in monogamous relationships for various reasons. I've cheated out of boredom in the bedroom, more times than enough just for "male braggadocio". Sometimes because I was being cheated on. At times, I messed up a good thing over really nothing. Most of these endeavors occurred when I was younger, not really of sound mind, and not really knowing better.

　
Guy 2: Calz, if a good man cheats, I can tell you it is because his woman is not doing her part. I cheated once years ago and it was because I needed the attention I was not getting from my woman at the time. I am simple, give me my OT, we go out and have fun, and I’m happy. Take that away and the longer I went without it, I began looking for someone who would give it to me

　
Guy 3: Men cheat because it is naturally programmed in our DNA. I do not know why but there is something about a new woman. They drive us crazy to the point of cheating on our significant others.

　
Guy 4: Well, there are all types of reasons ya know? No good conversation, women not pleasing their men like those men want, other women hitting on those men. Some of us are just straight up dogs. Also, these sideline Hoes will outdo the main woman because she want the main woman’s spot.

　
Guy 5: Men cheat for a few reasons. Some cheat for the chase, others do it because of having been cheated on, and some men cheat to feel like they still got it. Even if they are still with the person, sometimes they cheat out of habit that was passed down (heredity) and it is in their blood to cheat.

Guy 6: There are so many reasons why we cheat. The simplest reason is just this, Cause We Can...

Guy 7: Men cheat for various reasons, one is because they lack maturity in relationships, and not truly ready to settle down with one woman SEXUALLY, some because their woman isn't pleasing them, and last but not least, because they fell to look to God as their head.

Guy 8: No affection, emotion, they're selfish and no sex.

 

In closing, I have to commend all of you for giving us your honesty. I overheard a couple while shopping recently speaking about cheating. The woman kept telling the man that if he wanted to cheat, go ahead. He kept trying to reassure her that he was not but she pretty much insisted. My dad once told me that he started cheating on my mom because my mom kept accusing him so he did it. I would love for there to come a time in our world whereas “Cheating” in general is not the center of our focus in relationships. We need to focus on strengthening our relationships as opposed to sabotaging them. Thank you for reading!


*Slightly Modified

 

~Why or Why Aren't Black Men Dating/Marrying Outside of Their Race~ Finale, A Dialog

I know it’s been a while since I last posted a blog entry but it is now time to close out this series. I will refer to this black male as KB, He does not seem to feel as though black women measure up to white women. I wanted to try and understand his mindset during this segment which is a dialog.

KB: Most black men date outside of their race because everyone longs for natural beauty. Some, not all black woman will not embrace it. They hide it with weave and fake nails.

I had to intercept even though I am trying to just be the moderator. I said to him; "Lots of white women wear weaves and false nails. They also cake on more makeup than black women says this former cosmetology student..." (Some, not all, I know for the fact that we can't lump EVERYONE into one category just to make that clear)

KB: "But it’s mainly in entertainment and it looks professional and classy. Not stacks and stacks of hair that does not match their hair color. It just looks tacky sometimes and no one tells them. They think it’s cool."

I replied; "But there's plenty of black women that have them beat so how do you explain that?"

KB: I personally will give any race a chance if I find you attractive. But for me, I do not date a lot of African American females because they have been hurt and do not know how to let go of past experiences that they have encountered and live for now. They have a guard up from a prior relationship and the person that is interested in them now, doesn’t receive the time of day and they may genuinely be interested in those women. And when they do that, the guy is mad now because he was good and it turns him into a bad person as a result.

My reply; "That's respectable information and thank you again…

KB: You’re welcome; it all goes back to a person’s upbringing. If you have no respect for a man you will never have one, if you have no respect for a woman you will never have one. You will end up with a boy or a girl.

Me: That's true!!

KB: We have to make that change. If we do not carry ourselves with dignity and pride why would anyone what to be with us. It shows a lack of respect for yourself if you enter a relationship with someone and you really do not want to be in one.

My final thoughts are that, you should marry or be in a relationship with whomever you deem worthy.  If that person is outside of your race, so be it.  I do feel that it is wrong to look down on people of your own race because of a bad experience or two that you have had with someone in the past. Not all black women have "bad attitudes"... Not all white women are passive and easy to get along with.  Not one race of women are ALL as they are perceived, especially based on someones bad past experience. 

If you need a few examples of how some women of different races act, look around you with an open mind.  If you think that ALL white women are passive and doesn't have bad attitudes, Google or watch a few episodes of Bridezillas.  That will let you know that it's not just black women.   Thank you for reading!

*Slightly Modified

~Why or Why Aren't Black Men Dating/Marrying Outside of Their Race~ Part 3

We will now get into more insight from various black men so grab your popcorn....


Male Participant A: Who is Christian stated that, race does not mean a thing when Jesus said it clear... Those who are born of flesh are flesh. Our complexion does not define us, it is the type of negative or positive influences we take in that defines us. Our complexion will not save us; it is His Spirit that will save us. The Holy Ghost is life not our color…Flesh is just flesh!

Male Participant B: You know, very few black men actually go outside of their race…

Male Participant C: I have dated different races of women, different sizes of women, both physically and across other continents. I don't believe in allowing the physical appearance of a woman to completely shape my opinion of that woman in regards to whether she's a suitable partner for me. To put it in mathematical terms, the ratio to which appearance matters to me would be 30%, with the other 70% focused on what I feel is truly important, what will make or break any relationship, and that is personality. What that woman stands for, what her habits are, how she thinks and processes information, how she handles herself in different situations. Fat women can lose weight. Skinny women can become fat. Dark-skinned women can bleach their skin. Light-skinned women can tan their skin. I am mixed with African American/Black, Native American (not sure which tribe, I forget), Italian, German, Mongolian, and Irish. I personally think that limiting yourself to one color or another is highly superficial, and in the end, only cheating yourself out of the full range of personalities you can come across from all races and colors of people.

Male Participant D: Some men just want to try something different or that is just their preference. I do not think it is due to black women’s attitudes… Men are hunters; we are freaks and want to conquer all that we can conquer.

Male Participant E: If you date/marry outside your race, I believe there is something you do not like about your race of women. In example, a black man does not date black women because they are "ghetto", on welfare, and do not meet the requirements that so-called white women have such as degree, no children, not on welfare etc... It is a stereotype from our own people! One black woman can ruin it for the rest of the black women and a black man would never date a black woman because of what happened from that one black woman. You feel me?! Many black women are too strong for black men and white women are passive. It is very deep! When they gave the slaves a pic of the white Christ, it was a control device so the black man/woman worships the white man because they believe our Savior is white! However, I am not racist truth is truth!

Male Participant F: For me, it happened to be that my girl liked me no matter what. I treated her nice & it was not about someone of a different race, but the fact that I made her laugh and did not judge her for her imperfections. We are best friends even though we grew up completely different.

In closing, we can only respect the views of all participants despite how much we may disagree. Stay tuned as I wrap things up with a dialog between and a black male and myself. He does not feel as though black women measure up to white women so I will be going back and forth with him to understand his mindset. Thank you for reading!


*Slightly Modified 


 

~Why or Why Aren't Black Men Dating/Marrying Outside of Their Race~ Part 2

I asked my husband what his views are out of curiosity and his stance on the subject is that black men date and or marry outside of their race because they do not want to deal with black women and their mouths. He feels as though white women are very different from black women in terms of not being as aggressive as black women are. He has never been with a woman of another race and has not had any desires to be, but his views are just as important as anyone else. I asked him his views on being married to a black woman and he said that it doesn't bother him because I knows his struggle, can sympathize his plight as a black man, that I have a soul, I am spiritual and know what he has been through overall...

I asked a male participant that is married to a woman outside of his race and his response was; "I don't have a reason. I was simply looking for true love to fit my spirit. She fits me to the glove. Despite our differences, and obviously different races, our spirits are tied together. 20 years we are STILL SLAVE to one another." That goes to show that his marrying a woman of another race is neither tied to any bitterness of his race nor is there any bitterness regarding himself. It is about love and the fact that someone met his spiritual needs as well as other needs. 20 years? That is a long time considering how fast people are divorcing nowadays.

Here is more insight from another black man that has chosen to be with someone other than his race; "For me it happened to be that my girl liked me no matter what. I treated her nicely and it was not about someone of a different race, but the fact that I made her laugh and did not judge her for her imperfections. We are best friends even though we grew up completely different." This is another example that it is based on love and not bitterness towards their kind. Sometimes love is colorblind, more often than it is not in my opinion... Stay tuned for part 3, we will get more views and opinions from various men. Thank you again for reading…

~Why or Why Aren't Black Men Dating/Marrying Outside of Their Race~ Part 1

Many black women would love to know if there is a specific reason why so many "Black Men" are seemingly seeking women outside of their race in order to build a life. Whether it is just a monogamous relationship or even marriage, it seems like this has and still is transpiring especially in regards to successful black men. I was reluctant to pose this question because I felt as though there would be backlash but then I thought to myself, why not? Why not at least give it a shot because inquiring minds would love to know the answers.

When I initially posted the question to my facebook timeline, I at first thought that I would not receive any response because I know it is an on-going, yet touchy subject. I asked anyways because that is what I do even though my pride would not allow me to go to anyone individually as I did for previous blog entries. In my quest to find the truth, I asked if it was based on chemistry, the "attitudes" of black women or what? I have heard so many black men complain about the attitudes of black women so I figured someone would maybe try and use that as a reason why they don't really deal with women of their race in that sense. I was even willing to accept feedback from white and any other race of men as to why they preferred to date/marry black women as a means to gain insight from all sides but I did not receive any willing participants.

The first participant was a female that asked her husband the question since they are an interracial newlywed couple. His response was that he just wanted a change… In addition, they fell for one another before they knew each others race...Chemistry was their final synopsis! From what I have observed personally, the two of them are happy and I am happy for them.

The next person to comment afterwards was a male that felt as though black men go outside of their race because of self-hatred. Following that comment, he stated that it is in the bible and in so many words, he feels as though the word of God condemns interracial marriages. He specifically gave Deuteronomy 7:3-4 KJV as the scripture to backup his insight. That caused a slight uproar but now isn't the time to go into that, we need to stay on task in order for us to develop an understanding as to why black men look elsewhere or end up with women outside of their race. Stay tuned for part two as we are going to hear from other men including my very own husband and how he feels in regards to this subject matter. ~Thank you for reading~

~A Quick Note Regarding Marriage~

     Oftentimes, people that are on the outside looking in, feels as though marriage is the American Dream. That is true in most cases but just like when you are asleep; you sometimes have nightmares in the midst of your dreaming. In every marriage, you will have good days, maybe even a good week or two. Just know that you will have bad days too. . . You may at times, feel that your marriage is the only one that has certain issues but that isn't true. I wouldn't trade being married for billions but I have had days in the past when I just wanted to give up and maybe even cheat to get rid of the pain that I was going through at that particular moment. But, God… God is the main reason why I hold on to what is right and I make sure that I don't put myself in any situations that will enable me to cheat on my husband. The problems that we may go through are only temporary. The family unit is becoming extinct due to the fact that the enemy (the devil) hates marriages and he hates it when the mother and father are actually in the home together raising their children while working on the love they share. I am here say at this point that no matter what your marriage is going through, make sure that as an individual, you do your part and utilize your good moral standards, in order to keep your family unit in tact. Cheating is easy but it is only a temporary fix and we all have consequence in sin. Kudos and God bless!

~Symbolism~

Advisory:  Content contains controversial information... Sensitive eyes and a closed mind shouldn't read...


A symbol represents something that you want to convey to the outside world. For example, most married people represent the fact that they are married by wearing a wedding ring. Other symbols show what one represents such as a gang member or a person belonging to a fraternity or sorority, they represent their affiliation based on hand signs and etc... Now if you want to go a little further, look at your television networks. The signs and symbols tells you that CBS is the channel that represents a prime time network that we know and have grown viewing our favorite shows such as The Cosby Show and etc... My point is that, you can't sit there, watch a full video, and tell me that you don’t see signs, symbols and that the people that always show you that they represent these signs and symbols by constantly wearing, showboating right before our eye’s and literally forcing down our throats are not affiliated with those such things… I am aware that if I take off my wedding ring, that does not make me divorced… Nevertheless, are you aware that just because you do not know a person personally, you still can know who and what they represent by their signs and symbols? Let me go a little deeper and I will not name names right now because it is apparent that by the symbols and definitions I will point out in this note… The Baphoment= a pagan deity, revived in the 19th century as a figure of Satanism and worshipped in baphomeries. The name Baphomet also became associated with a "Sabbatic Goat"…The image of the Baphomet combines both male and female androgynous qualities; one arm masculine, one feminine; the breasts of a woman with a phallic object on its lap. The illustration also shows one-arm points toward a white crescent moon the other towards a dark crescent moon, representing the duality of good and evil. Here is what Eliphas Levi said about the Baphomet in his book, Haute Magie: I will stop here but there are lots more information and thus my case and point about one of the symbols that represent satanic worship. The Eye of Horus=The Eye of Horus was one of the most common amulets of ancient Egypt. This highly stylized eye of the falcon-head, solar and sky god Horus (the Latin version of Hor) is associated with regeneration, health, and prosperity. Also is has become associated with the esoteric and the occult. Another name for the eye is udjat or utchat, meaning "sound eye." 666= The Mark of the Beast… And so on and so forth.... This is just a few of the symbols and the meanings but feel free to research for yourself. My entire purpose is to tell you that SIGN'S and SYMBOL'S represent SOMETHING so we need to cease with trying to make thing's not exist that are prevalent in today's society..

　

Symbol


1. something that represents something else: something that stands for or represents something else, especially an object representing an abstraction
2. sign with specific meaning: a written or printed sign or character that represents something in a specific context, e.g. an operation or quantity in mathematics or music
3. psychoanalysis object representing something repressed in unconscious: an object or act that represents an impulse or wish in the unconscious mind that has been repressed

Symbolism

1. use of symbols: the use of symbols to invest things with a representative meaning or to represent something abstract by something concrete



**Originally posted to my facebook January 11, 2010 with added revisions

~Why Women Settle~

Recently, I received a blog entry request from an anonymous male, asking why some women settle for men that aren't considered "Real Men" and why those women are intimidated by men that are actually considered to be "Real Men"?  I first thought to myself, have I ever been this type of woman?  Is this the norm?? Lastly, do I know any women that are intimidated by men that are of a higher caliber?  I must say, my answer to those questions were all No's!!! 

As a lady, I feel that those women are suffering from a case of low self-esteem and the inability to see themselves as someone deserving of the better things life has to offer.  I cannot fathom what the women of today might have to choose from in a man since I have not been single since 2001.  Actually, if you are one that considers being in a monogamous relationship without the title of husband/wife, I can say that I have not had long periods whereas I was single since the age of 16.  That having been said, I do not have lots of advice on the ins and outs of women choosing men that do not have themselves together 100%.  I can only gather that they do not feel as though they deserve a man that has himself together so I asked for advice and only received advice from two men. 

Male #1: "The reason women get with men that are less intimidating is because a real man is going to check them, those women are not going to want to hear that. They are not going to want to do what he says because what the world is pushing on women is independence and that they don’t need a man, they don’t need a “REAL MAN", and that they need someone that is beneath them, someone they can control."

Male #2: "Women and men settle for what their preference is. “Real Men” is not a title because everybody is different. You have different types of men and women and every person have certain people they prefer, it's that simple. You may like regular weed and someone else may not, their preference is Kush (a form of marijuana), you can’t say they are turning down the "real weed" its still just weed at the end of the day. (feeel me)"

As we can see, both men gave great answers but they are coming from a different perspective.  If any "LADY" would like to add more insight, please feel free to comment.  You can even comment anonymously without opening an account just so your voice can be heard (heard with our eyes in actuality).... Thank you for reading!

*slightly modified

~Happiness~

I have to say that no matter what is going on or has transpired in my life, I am literally happy. Though life brings about bad times, I still have an inner joy that cannot be shaken. Things are going to happen regardless of how careful we are and how hard we pray, it is how we deal with things after we are over the initial shock… It is ok to vent, scream, holler, cry and even be angry because those are natural human reactions that should not be suppressed. That does not mean you do not have inner joy and happiness or that you are a negative person. It just means that you have the strength to deal with each situation head-on…

Here are a few definitions of the word Happy:

1. feeling pleasure: feeling or showing pleasure, contentment, or joy
happy smiling faces

2. causing pleasure: causing or characterized by pleasure, contentment, or joy
a happy childhood

3. satisfied: feeling satisfied that something is right or has been done right
Are you happy with your performance?


If you are not happy with your life and the way things are going, do whatever it takes to get your happiness back.  I know that it is natural and normal to have moments of sadness.  Being that way enables us to appreciate our happy moments even more but I am speaking in terms of overall happiness.  Being overall happy is having joy even when you're upset or things aren't going the way we'd like.  As always, thanks for reading and until next time.


*originally posted to my facebook page July 30, 2010 with a few new additions

~My Desire~ *A Love Letter*

I want you...
I crave you...
I need to see more of you...
If they come without you, I am not letting them in...
You mean so much to me that words cannot even explain…
If you ever leave me, I will no longer be able to make it in life...
When I hurt, you help…
When I cry, you cheer me up....
When I fall, you always pick me up...
You are the reason I am able to wake up everyday...
If you EVER leave me, I will no longer be able to make it in life....
I am serious, you are mine and I will not have it any other way...
Who are you?? My desire, POSITIVITY is who you are…
You are mine and I am never letting you go!!!
                                                                               Love, Calz
P.S.
POSITIVITY, I have a confession, I am a polygamist!! I have asked LOVE, WISDOM, KNOWLEDGE, COMMON SENSE, and UNDERSTANDING to marry me as well!! If that is fine with you, we can all be one unit! I think that it is ok because we will be good together… It is better to be together than when we are apart. I make this solemn vow to stay together for the rest of my days…


 facebook page December 23, 2009

~Support System~

Life can be so hard at time’s…. It seems that when you feel that everything is working out, here comes a setback. Most setbacks are not here to harm us, they come to build character and make us understand that things will not always go the way we feel they should go. The setback can also make us seem as though we are having a pity party in the eyes of other people. That is why it is so important to have a support system… Even if it is one person that lives in another country, a support system is necessary. I am the type of person that tends to feel misunderstood often…. I know that I am not the only one but it seems like it is a constant thing for me… Knowing this, I tend to go into my own shell when I feel that life is getting too hard to handle. My motto is, MY MISERY DOESN’T LOVE COMPANY…I have even attempted suicide when I was either 13 or 14 because I did not have a support system. It did not stop there…. I had gone through the repercussions and attempted to live a normal life after realizing that I had a second chance at life...

                                                                                          
                               ~~~Fast Forward~~~~

I was enrolled in Finney High School in 1995 and had my guards up at first but then I met new friends and caught up with old ones too that I was able to actually lean on in my times of need. I hope that I was there for them too… Those friends were amazing and without them, I do not know if I would have been able to make it during those times. Whether it is family or just an acquaintance, always make sure to have someone that will listen. Even now as an adult, I have gone through my first baby dying in my arms. A niece dying due to birth defects, my mother and father passing away, clinical depression, I was hit head-on by a drunk driver in 2009 and now having chronic pain that I am dealing with on a daily basis due to that accident. I almost lost hope but God will not allow me to have that mindset. Along with prayer and my support system, I feel that I can handle whatever is thrown my way… I have even learned how to compartmentalize the things that come my way in order to decrease stress. I am on a mission to become a better me.

In conclusion, there will be times when you do not feel like being bothered with people. That is totally fine because we all need alone time obviously to cleanse and regroup. The moral to this story is to let somebody in and allow him or her to be….

                                                              
       ~~~Your Personal Support System~~~


*Originally posted to my personal facebook page December 2010 but has been revised

~Destorted Perception~

We have all either met, or been those people who are "negative" - negative thinkers who consistently view the glass as half-empty and nothing is ever going well in their lives. I am not speaking in terms of your typical person with normal feelings and emotions but that person that is here to pull you and everyone else down to their level. That person that once you end that phone call, you yourselves are ready to jump off a bridge. Well, I am here to tell you, let those people go their way if there is nothing you can do to encourage them and help pull them up from sinking in their own pitiful quicksand...

 

Having had a destorted perception of myself has held me back in many instances so I figured I would post this information. I do feel as though I am a positive person primarily, but sometimes, negative things visit my mind. Thing is, I fight them and I don't let them change me into a bitter person that only want others to fail. A distorted perception of myself is something that I have had a hard time battling during periods in my lifetime… I highly suggest persistence and resistance because being that way was a horrid way to be and you are literally trapped in your very own personal prison. You are sinking in your very own pitiful quicksand that will be hard to escape. Other people can only take so much. It all boils down to confidence and personal growth. You have to always realize the problem first, and then work towards a solution.

As stated by Linda Dessau a self-coach, in certain situations, particularly stressful ones, even the most positive person can fall victim to this distorted thinking. As a creative artist, this kind of thinking can keep us away from our art and can keep us from enjoying it even when we manage to keep at it.

Distorted Perceptions Seem Real to Us

I've recently started performing at a monthly "open mic" event, and it's been a very positive experience. This is a big change from the intense stage fright I used to have. Back then, as the sign-up sheet was being passed around from table to table, I probably would have been thinking:

"I just KNOW I'm going to screw up."

This is an example of "predictive" thinking - when we're sure we know how something will turn out, or what someone else is thinking. Predictive thinking tends to come true (have you heard of the term "a self-fulfilling prophecy"), so be careful about what you're consciously predicting! If that's something you can imagine yourself thinking, try this thought on instead:

"I can't know exactly what will happen, so I'm going to aim to have a great time up there!" Imagine how different your performance will be with THAT thought instead of the first one.

Or maybe I would have thought: "I'm so nervous - I'm never going to be good at performing!"

This is an example of black and white thinking. We're either good at something or we're bad at it. There are only two options, with nothing in between. This doesn't give us any room to learn, explore, grow, fail, try again or get better. Try this thought, instead:

"I'm becoming a better and more experienced performer every time I do it." Imagine the difference to your performance!

Put It Into Play

Choose one of your creative goals. Now, write down all of the thoughts you have about it. Just vent everything - whatever comes to mind (use a computer keyboard if that's easier for you).

Watch for any patterns of distorted perception. Are you predicting how something will turn out? Are you using black & white thinking?

When you come across an example of distorted perception, write down a more positive thought that challenges it.

Predictive thinking and black & white thinking are just two examples of the many ways our creativity can fall victim to distorted perceptions. Watch out for these so that the true voice of your creativity can be heard.

 

© Copyright Linda Dessau, 2005.

Linda Dessau, the Self-Care Coach, helps artists enhance their creativity by addressing their unique self-care issues.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Linda_Dessau

 

 

 

As always, thank you for reading... Until next time!

~Wife Material~

Advisory: Content contains language only suitable for adults.

In extension from my latest blog entry, Calz Wife Facts, I decided to do a small study asking nine men for their feedback in regards to the characteristics of a wife. This is only a small study and what they deem "Wife Material", you may agree or disagree but they deserve respect since they were even willing to give us their insight. Lots of men aren't communicators so here goes...

• Male 1: Wife Material is a woman that takes care of home, kids, her man, loves him, got his back, trustworthy, and definitely spiritual..

• Male 2: Wife Material is a woman who is trustworthy, loyal, who is not shallow and materialistic.  She is a woman who knows how to treat people, and most important, a woman with goals and ambition...

• Male 3: Wife Material is someone with personality, knowledge, understanding, and compassion. ..We would have to be able to coexist, she needs to be able to listen and know when to give A-1 information. Sex is an important factor, and us working together as a unit.

• Male 4: Wife Material is a woman that has her mans back, she is a support system, believes in his dreams, and focuses on her own. For me, it is that simple. I cook, clean, iron, wash, and everything so I do not need the typical domestic woman in my life. I got that handled myself so just be you. Being independent is a definite plus.

• Male 5: Wife Material is somebody that is faithful, down for her man, will have his back whether they are broke, or rich, and always trustworthy.

• Male 6: 3 F's Calley... Fuck me, Feed me, and Fuck off.… (Laughs aloud).... Seriously though, if she can cook, we can have good sex (sorry but sex is important if I’m spending the rest of my life with you) and to fuck off just means......she needs to be able to give her man a little space.....not run the streets, but if I want to go and hoop (play basketball), or hang with the fellas, I shouldn't have to worry about being stalked.

• Male 7: Wife Material is a woman that is a friend along with my lover. Can pick me up when I am down, motivate me, can respect my opinion, is willing to cook with me, and must be a sports fan.

• Male 8: Wife Material is a woman who holds her man down when he is down and does it without putting him down. She cooks, clean, and is a freak that will not withhold the ass.

• Male 9: Well, what I consider marriage material would be "the ultimate package". A woman that goes to work from 9 until 5, and still comes home. Throws down in kitchen, and the bedroom....Then have quality time with me and my kids.

The common denominator in this anonymous study is that these men want a woman that is trustworthy, loyal and the sex has to be good. There are other key factors mentioned but what these men require is similar. They are not asking much and I am sure there are women willing and able to step in and fill these shoes. Being a wife myself, I realize that it isn’t easy but if you can communicate and figure out what your man needs from you and vice versa, things can and will get easier as time goes on. Thank you for reading and stay tuned for my next blog entry to be announced.


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~A Small Note~

Please be advised that you aren't going to agree with everything I post here to my blog.  What's the point in being the Lady of Controversy if I'm going to be a cookie cutter type of blogger?  My most recent blog "Calz Wife Facts" are just that.. MY WIFE FACTS... Those are what helped me to keep my marriage in tact for 11 years and 5 months now so if you feel offended or do not like what worked for me, that's fine.  I'm here to help, not hurt in regards to marriage.  What qualifies me?? Experience qualifies me!! Thanks for reading...

~Calz Wife Facts~

Your Household Comes First. . . 

I use to be a "people pleaser"… It actually caused my husband to resent me. Every time he turned around, I was ghost... Out somewhere, people pleasing... I've learned my lesson and realize that what's important is pleasing God first of course, but making sure I’m pleasing my household and never again will I adopt the mindset of trying to please outsiders.. You're pretty much damned if you do and damned if you don't anyways so why even sweat it?!

Be Supportive. . . 

In order to keep our men feeling like men, stop emasculating them and keep them lifted as much as possible! Most men know their role but can be easily torn down, they cry even if we never see them… They hurt worse when it's coming directly from their women because society tearing men down is somewhat a given… Be his strength when he needs it and you'll reap the benefits.

Learn Your Role. . .

Sure, certain things come natural but let's get serious here… You don't wake up and know how to BE a wife!! It takes lots of trial and error… Especially when you add children into the mix!! At that point, you're constantly being pulled in more than one direction. You have to find balance and distribute your time, attention and affection in every direction because once someone feels neglected, then resentment is soon to follow. As a wife, we tend to put ourselves last… Well, most of us, some wives’ are selfish, superficial and make sure her wants/needs are met first. I don't agree with that mindset… I don't mind putting myself last most of the time because as long as my husband and children are happy, I feel good inside!! Yes, I'm still happy overall even though I put myself last because it's not about me anymore, it's about us and in order to get to this place, I had to learn, bump my head, fall face first and I'm still a work in progress but I'm striving to be better for them first... Never think things will be easy because if it's too easy, there will be no growth!!

Pay Close Attention. . .

Take time to learn what your husband really loves in all facets of his being… Put your pride aside and stay on top of things because what you won't do, there's always somebody waiting, trying to take your spot, do it better for a period of time and stake their claim on what's yours…


 

We As Wives Are The Helpmate. . . 

We're here to make our hard working husband's lives as easy as possible… Especially if he decides to accept his role as the provider! A notable husband wants to see to it that he has his family covered financially, that's why we as wives should keep the home running as smoothly as possible… I'm speaking in terms of the married couple that is doing things the "old fashioned way"… Not the new millennium couple… I'm sure if she's bringing home more than him, she might feel more powerful... The roles may be reversed but in that case, don't emasculate him… Keep him feeling like the strong man that he is!

 

Take Good Care of Your Man. . .

It is necessary that we keep our husbands full above the belt and emptied below the belt! That is my motto because when one is deprived in any facet, they tend to overindulge in something that turns out to leave negative effects…

I want to expound on my motto… I keep him full above the belt and emptied below the belt!! That's self-explanatory but these are very important factors… I've heard some say that they don't know how to cook and their husband does all of the cooking… Come on!! That's cute and sweet but it's not a man's place to do ALL of the cooking!! At least do 75% of the cooking ladies‘... My husband can cook better than most women can but I know my role as a wife!! I make sure he eats no matter what!! As far as keeping him, empty below the belt... Some women deem it unimportant to keep their men sexually satisfied!! That's a no no!! First off, we as women will be less stressed if we are sexually satisfied… That is YOUR MAN remember?!? Don't make him wait until his birthday to have sex with him!! Christmas… etc... You can try that if you want but don't say I didn't warn you… Remember… What you won't do, someone else is waiting to take your spot??  Lastly, keeping him full above the belt is to try your best to stay on top of the mental stimulation!! Men are visual yes but sex is at least 70% mental… Also, there has to be more holding the marriage together other than just sex and feeding him. Some men have a very short attention span!! I want to say all men but that’s not fair to sit here and make a blanket statement like that!! In closing, that is my motto… God is the head of our marriage so overall He is the glue holding together the aforementioned.


 

Hang In There. . .

No, your marital life isn't going to be perfect so stop trying to run once reality smacks you in the face.. Running from your marriage is a sign of weakness! If it can work out, fight for it because trust me.... There isn't much to choose from this day and age... You'll end up with someone that is 100% worse and that person waiting to swoop in to take your spot will reap the benefits.



Thank you for reading my Wife Facts that I originally posted to my personal facebook page in August of 2012.  Stay tuned for my upcoming blog entry.. "Wife Material".. I'll be posting the anonymous feedback from men that are willing to tell us the characteristics of who/what they deem to be "Wife Material". . . Until then...


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Husbands/Mates VS. Male Best Friends... Whose Side Should She Choose?

Ladies...If you have a male best friend that your husband/significant other do not like, do you tell him to suck it up or leave? Do you tell your best friend out of respect for your husband/significant other, the two of you cannot associate?

Calz: I do not have any male friends because my husband does not feel that it is appropriate in our marital situation.   I would not mind having a male best friend because I may want his opinion on a few issues in which I may not want to burden my husband.  I have attempted to have male “friends” during my lifetime and at least 90% wanted to have a sexual relationship.  That is the sole reason my husband does not want me having male friends.   My definition of a male best friend is someone who I can call and talk to no matter how busy we are.  We can go see a movie with no stings attached and etc. Some would say; “Oh, you have a husband for all of that”…  That is true but I am thinking along the lines of someone that is unbiased and that can give me something I know I cannot get with having women friends.   I am the type that does not trust easily.   I have always stated that people are guilty until proven innocent.   I trust men easier because I have always had close relationships with men starting with my dad.


Lady-A: This has happened to me; my friend had to choose between his wife and myself.   He chose his wife, and secretly kept the friendship.  His wife thinks there was an intimate relationship but there wasn‘t.   Therefore, she does not want us to have an association.   As time went by, he eventually reached out again but not to the degree that the friendship was.   Our association is now once every three to six months to say the least…  When he does come around, he lies to his wife.   My friend’s wife does not know that we still talk even though it is an innocent friendship...  He chose to keep her happy instead of keeping the friendship as it was.   It all boils down to trust, until there is a concrete reason that confirms your suspicion, you are just dealing with insecurity issues…  We all need somebody on the outside at times.   When it comes down to your wife having to choose a side, it might be more comfortable for your wife to have a male friend since females are catty…


Lady-B: I have been in this situation and I felt torn, I wanted my man to be comfortable and did not want to feel like my man was being controlling.  I want to feel like my mate has trust in me.   I kept both my best friend and my man whom is now ok with my relationship with my best friend.  I was willing to bend a little in this situation but, he does not have that much power, nor can he tell me what to do as my man…   If I was a slut bucket, and my man did not trust me, he would not have come to grips with the friendship but since there is trust, all is well.  I’ll never disrespect him but there is a line… I’ll always care about his opinions, as a woman I have a certain amount of tolerance and he will not take that from me…

　

In closing, I feel that the three of you need to come to some type of an understanding just as in Lady-participant A's situation because in order for your wife to have to choose, she’s being faced with the fact that she is going to eventually lose a loved one along the way.   She loves you as her husband but she also has a love for her male best friend based on the bond that they have created.   In choosing, she must choose her husband because it is only right in so many ways but to force her to choose, either she is going to resent you or as lady participant-A has stated in her situation, she will have him as a friend behind your back.   Either way, this situation will work out but just be aware that this is somewhat a no win sort of situation.  Thank you for your request!  Stay tuned for more blog entries and thank you all for reading.
 
 
 
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In Regards to Marriage ~Is He Controlling?/ Should You Obey?~

IF YOU ARE MARRIED AND YOUR HUSBAND TELLS YOU HE DOES NOT APPROVE OF SOMETHING, OUT OF RESPECT, SHOULD YOU CUT IT OUT OR IS IT CONSIDERED "CONTROLLING"?

Calz: There were plenty of situations that my husband and I have butted heads. I have felt that he is controlling and vice versa. Nonetheless, we have come to an understanding and no longer feel that the other is controlling because we know that we have one another’s best interest at heart. That took years but we had to learn one another and grow together as a unit. I say it takes lots of maturity as a couple and you both need to desensitize in regards to feeling as though you are being controlled.

Wife-I: It depends on what he wants you to cut out. If it is something like talking on the phone with family, and he wants that to stop, it is controlling. If it is something like him not wanting you to wear a very low cut shirt, then it is not.

Wife-II: As long as my hubby ASKS me to stop something, at the very least, I will consider it. Then a dialogue is needed. Why does he not approve? How long has he felt this way? If he brings up valid and logical points and reasons, then more than likely I will stop/change, or cut down the habit. Many women do not realize that your spouses’ feelings are important. So are yours. I rely heavily on prayer, communication, and compromise in my marriage. You have to stop looking at things from a one-sided point of view. Think of how you feel when he does things YOU do not approve of. At least consider his side.

Wife-III (Kimberly Rookard): I think out of respect, I would stop. I feel like because I am his wife I should make him happy since I know if I asked him to stop something he would.

Wife-IV (Crystal Jason): If my husband asks me to stop doing something I will do it especially if he feels disrespected.......But he only does that in serious situations and yes I do listen...

Wife-V: If the husband is a strong leader of his household, intelligent, truly loves and knows what’s best for his wife and children, says he doesn’t approve of a certain situation, give reasons behind why he thinks the situation is not the best THEN the wife…out of respect, out of knowing that her husband is a proven leader and knows what’s best for his family’s safety and cohesiveness will stop. As leader of his family, he will have the vision and best interest of his wife / family in mind. The wife will be on the same page… she will have knowledge, understanding, and intelligence to realize IF the situation is not best (PERFECT RELATIONSHIP)… 

However, we marry people not on the same level… One may be intelligent and have understanding, the other does not, OR one-person want to compromise, the other does not…then it seems each person is trying to have their way… Compromising is taboo as well as logic, reasoning, and understanding. We date these same people. Once we become intertwined in marriage, the individual ways are magnified. If marriage survives, the couple may learn each other, make it work and if asked to stop a certain situation it may or may not happen.

 

 SHOULD THE WORD "OBEY" BE IN MARITAL VOWS? WHAT IS THE MEANING OF "OBEY" TO WOMEN?

Calz: I cannot remember my marital vows but I do feel that you should tailor your marital vows to fit your lifestyle.   For me, to "obey" is to be submissive.  Not saying that he can utilize that word to fit his desires only but I feel as though I must do my part as a wife.  I pretty much know how to stay in my place.

Wife-I: Obey is a very strong word. With me, it has to go both ways. Respect goes with obey. I do not believe a married woman must sit back and do everything her husband says because the husband takes away her voice. Her input is important in making their marital life happy.

Wife-II: I, myself did not recite that particular part. (Judge did not include them) I believe the word "respect" should replace that word. Neither of us are children. If I love, honor, and respect you; then that is the key to a solid marriage. Obey implies that I am not equal…

Wife-III: I do not think “obey” should be in the vows because that would give the man a sense of control.

Wife-IV: Yes, I think “obey” should be in vows but it goes both ways in a marriage. To my husband and me obey is not about control but about respect… I feel that any man or woman who cannot respect or "obey" their significant other should not be married. Marriage takes work and it needs to be done on both sides...

Wife-V: Marital vows can be whatever promises you want to make specifically for your marriage. People often write their own vows. The traditional marriage vows are from the Roman Catholic Church. Another ‘church’ voted to remove the word ‘obey’. If a couple is torn before the marriage regarding one word ‘obey’ they should evaluate if they should be married at all.

What is the meaning of "Obey" to women?

I think when a woman hears the word ‘obey’ she takes it technical that her spouse has to tell her what to do, she has to do it and she automatically starts to think about all of the things she’s not going to do. Literally, ‘obey’ means following instructions in which we are required to do daily in every situation… Not just marriage... In marriage, if your husband truly loves you, he will not tell you to run out in traffic and expect you to do it. However, if he says do not go to the gas station after dark, it would be an ‘instruction’ to really consider due to dangerous times. Understanding the meaning and context of words is helpful.


In closing, both subjects are common amongst marriages so don't feel like you're the only ones dealing with these types of situations.  You are not alone and as you can see, the wives have spoken!! Thank you for your request and thank you ladies for your intelligent feedback.  As always...Stay tuned for my next blog entry... There is a request in regards to husbands/mates disliking your male best friends... Whose side should you choose? Thank you for reading!


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