I asked my husband what his views are out of curiosity and his stance on the subject is that black men date and or marry outside of their race because they do not want to deal with black women and their mouths. He feels as though white women are very different from black women in terms of not being as aggressive as black women are. He has never been with a woman of another race and has not had any desires to be, but his views are just as important as anyone else. I asked him his views on being married to a black woman and he said that it doesn't bother him because I knows his struggle, can sympathize his plight as a black man, that I have a soul, I am spiritual and know what he has been through overall...
I asked a male participant that is married to a woman outside of his race and his response was; "I don't have a reason. I was simply looking for true love to fit my spirit. She fits me to the glove. Despite our differences, and obviously different races, our spirits are tied together. 20 years we are STILL SLAVE to one another." That goes to show that his marrying a woman of another race is neither tied to any bitterness of his race nor is there any bitterness regarding himself. It is about love and the fact that someone met his spiritual needs as well as other needs. 20 years? That is a long time considering how fast people are divorcing nowadays.
Here is more insight from another black man that has chosen to be with someone other than his race; "For me it happened to be that my girl liked me no matter what. I treated her nicely and it was not about someone of a different race, but the fact that I made her laugh and did not judge her for her imperfections. We are best friends even though we grew up completely different." This is another example that it is based on love and not bitterness towards their kind. Sometimes love is colorblind, more often than it is not in my opinion... Stay tuned for part 3, we will get more views and opinions from various men. Thank you again for reading…
**The Lady Of Controversy for Christ**
Monday, May 27, 2013
~Why or Why Aren't Black Men Dating/Marrying Outside of Their Race~ Part 1
Many black women would love to know if there is a specific reason why so many "Black Men" are seemingly seeking women outside of their race in order to build a life. Whether it is just a monogamous relationship or even marriage, it seems like this has and still is transpiring especially in regards to successful black men. I was reluctant to pose this question because I felt as though there would be backlash but then I thought to myself, why not? Why not at least give it a shot because inquiring minds would love to know the answers.
When I initially posted the question to my facebook timeline, I at first thought that I would not receive any response because I know it is an on-going, yet touchy subject. I asked anyways because that is what I do even though my pride would not allow me to go to anyone individually as I did for previous blog entries. In my quest to find the truth, I asked if it was based on chemistry, the "attitudes" of black women or what? I have heard so many black men complain about the attitudes of black women so I figured someone would maybe try and use that as a reason why they don't really deal with women of their race in that sense. I was even willing to accept feedback from white and any other race of men as to why they preferred to date/marry black women as a means to gain insight from all sides but I did not receive any willing participants.
The first participant was a female that asked her husband the question since they are an interracial newlywed couple. His response was that he just wanted a change… In addition, they fell for one another before they knew each others race...Chemistry was their final synopsis! From what I have observed personally, the two of them are happy and I am happy for them.
The next person to comment afterwards was a male that felt as though black men go outside of their race because of self-hatred. Following that comment, he stated that it is in the bible and in so many words, he feels as though the word of God condemns interracial marriages. He specifically gave Deuteronomy 7:3-4 KJV as the scripture to backup his insight. That caused a slight uproar but now isn't the time to go into that, we need to stay on task in order for us to develop an understanding as to why black men look elsewhere or end up with women outside of their race. Stay tuned for part two as we are going to hear from other men including my very own husband and how he feels in regards to this subject matter. ~Thank you for reading~
When I initially posted the question to my facebook timeline, I at first thought that I would not receive any response because I know it is an on-going, yet touchy subject. I asked anyways because that is what I do even though my pride would not allow me to go to anyone individually as I did for previous blog entries. In my quest to find the truth, I asked if it was based on chemistry, the "attitudes" of black women or what? I have heard so many black men complain about the attitudes of black women so I figured someone would maybe try and use that as a reason why they don't really deal with women of their race in that sense. I was even willing to accept feedback from white and any other race of men as to why they preferred to date/marry black women as a means to gain insight from all sides but I did not receive any willing participants.
The first participant was a female that asked her husband the question since they are an interracial newlywed couple. His response was that he just wanted a change… In addition, they fell for one another before they knew each others race...Chemistry was their final synopsis! From what I have observed personally, the two of them are happy and I am happy for them.
The next person to comment afterwards was a male that felt as though black men go outside of their race because of self-hatred. Following that comment, he stated that it is in the bible and in so many words, he feels as though the word of God condemns interracial marriages. He specifically gave Deuteronomy 7:3-4 KJV as the scripture to backup his insight. That caused a slight uproar but now isn't the time to go into that, we need to stay on task in order for us to develop an understanding as to why black men look elsewhere or end up with women outside of their race. Stay tuned for part two as we are going to hear from other men including my very own husband and how he feels in regards to this subject matter. ~Thank you for reading~
~A Quick Note Regarding Marriage~
Oftentimes, people that are on the outside looking in, feels as though marriage is the American Dream. That is true in most cases but just like when you are asleep; you sometimes have nightmares in the midst of your dreaming. In every marriage, you will have good days, maybe even a good week or two. Just know that you will have bad days too. . . You may at times, feel that your marriage is the only one that has certain issues but that isn't true. I wouldn't trade being married for billions but I have had days in the past when I just wanted to give up and maybe even cheat to get rid of the pain that I was going through at that particular moment. But, God… God is the main reason why I hold on to what is right and I make sure that I don't put myself in any situations that will enable me to cheat on my husband. The problems that we may go through are only temporary. The family unit is becoming extinct due to the fact that the enemy (the devil) hates marriages and he hates it when the mother and father are actually in the home together raising their children while working on the love they share. I am here say at this point that no matter what your marriage is going through, make sure that as an individual, you do your part and utilize your good moral standards, in order to keep your family unit in tact. Cheating is easy but it is only a temporary fix and we all have consequence in sin. Kudos and God bless!
Friday, May 24, 2013
~Symbolism~
Advisory: Content contains controversial information... Sensitive eyes and a closed mind shouldn't read...
A symbol represents something that you want to convey to the outside world. For example, most married people represent the fact that they are married by wearing a wedding ring. Other symbols show what one represents such as a gang member or a person belonging to a fraternity or sorority, they represent their affiliation based on hand signs and etc... Now if you want to go a little further, look at your television networks. The signs and symbols tells you that CBS is the channel that represents a prime time network that we know and have grown viewing our favorite shows such as The Cosby Show and etc... My point is that, you can't sit there, watch a full video, and tell me that you don’t see signs, symbols and that the people that always show you that they represent these signs and symbols by constantly wearing, showboating right before our eye’s and literally forcing down our throats are not affiliated with those such things… I am aware that if I take off my wedding ring, that does not make me divorced… Nevertheless, are you aware that just because you do not know a person personally, you still can know who and what they represent by their signs and symbols? Let me go a little deeper and I will not name names right now because it is apparent that by the symbols and definitions I will point out in this note… The Baphoment= a pagan deity, revived in the 19th century as a figure of Satanism and worshipped in baphomeries. The name Baphomet also became associated with a "Sabbatic Goat"…The image of the Baphomet combines both male and female androgynous qualities; one arm masculine, one feminine; the breasts of a woman with a phallic object on its lap. The illustration also shows one-arm points toward a white crescent moon the other towards a dark crescent moon, representing the duality of good and evil. Here is what Eliphas Levi said about the Baphomet in his book, Haute Magie: I will stop here but there are lots more information and thus my case and point about one of the symbols that represent satanic worship. The Eye of Horus=The Eye of Horus was one of the most common amulets of ancient Egypt. This highly stylized eye of the falcon-head, solar and sky god Horus (the Latin version of Hor) is associated with regeneration, health, and prosperity. Also is has become associated with the esoteric and the occult. Another name for the eye is udjat or utchat, meaning "sound eye." 666= The Mark of the Beast… And so on and so forth.... This is just a few of the symbols and the meanings but feel free to research for yourself. My entire purpose is to tell you that SIGN'S and SYMBOL'S represent SOMETHING so we need to cease with trying to make thing's not exist that are prevalent in today's society..
Symbol
1. something that represents something else: something that stands for or represents something else, especially an object representing an abstraction
2. sign with specific meaning: a written or printed sign or character that represents something in a specific context, e.g. an operation or quantity in mathematics or music
3. psychoanalysis object representing something repressed in unconscious: an object or act that represents an impulse or wish in the unconscious mind that has been repressed
Symbolism
1. use of symbols: the use of symbols to invest things with a representative meaning or to represent something abstract by something concrete
**Originally posted to my facebook January 11, 2010 with added revisions
A symbol represents something that you want to convey to the outside world. For example, most married people represent the fact that they are married by wearing a wedding ring. Other symbols show what one represents such as a gang member or a person belonging to a fraternity or sorority, they represent their affiliation based on hand signs and etc... Now if you want to go a little further, look at your television networks. The signs and symbols tells you that CBS is the channel that represents a prime time network that we know and have grown viewing our favorite shows such as The Cosby Show and etc... My point is that, you can't sit there, watch a full video, and tell me that you don’t see signs, symbols and that the people that always show you that they represent these signs and symbols by constantly wearing, showboating right before our eye’s and literally forcing down our throats are not affiliated with those such things… I am aware that if I take off my wedding ring, that does not make me divorced… Nevertheless, are you aware that just because you do not know a person personally, you still can know who and what they represent by their signs and symbols? Let me go a little deeper and I will not name names right now because it is apparent that by the symbols and definitions I will point out in this note… The Baphoment= a pagan deity, revived in the 19th century as a figure of Satanism and worshipped in baphomeries. The name Baphomet also became associated with a "Sabbatic Goat"…The image of the Baphomet combines both male and female androgynous qualities; one arm masculine, one feminine; the breasts of a woman with a phallic object on its lap. The illustration also shows one-arm points toward a white crescent moon the other towards a dark crescent moon, representing the duality of good and evil. Here is what Eliphas Levi said about the Baphomet in his book, Haute Magie: I will stop here but there are lots more information and thus my case and point about one of the symbols that represent satanic worship. The Eye of Horus=The Eye of Horus was one of the most common amulets of ancient Egypt. This highly stylized eye of the falcon-head, solar and sky god Horus (the Latin version of Hor) is associated with regeneration, health, and prosperity. Also is has become associated with the esoteric and the occult. Another name for the eye is udjat or utchat, meaning "sound eye." 666= The Mark of the Beast… And so on and so forth.... This is just a few of the symbols and the meanings but feel free to research for yourself. My entire purpose is to tell you that SIGN'S and SYMBOL'S represent SOMETHING so we need to cease with trying to make thing's not exist that are prevalent in today's society..
Symbol
1. something that represents something else: something that stands for or represents something else, especially an object representing an abstraction
2. sign with specific meaning: a written or printed sign or character that represents something in a specific context, e.g. an operation or quantity in mathematics or music
3. psychoanalysis object representing something repressed in unconscious: an object or act that represents an impulse or wish in the unconscious mind that has been repressed
Symbolism
1. use of symbols: the use of symbols to invest things with a representative meaning or to represent something abstract by something concrete
**Originally posted to my facebook January 11, 2010 with added revisions
Saturday, May 18, 2013
~Why Women Settle~
Recently, I received a blog entry request from an anonymous male, asking why some women settle for men that aren't considered "Real Men" and why those women are intimidated by men that are actually considered to be "Real Men"? I first thought to myself, have I ever been this type of woman? Is this the norm?? Lastly, do I know any women that are intimidated by men that are of a higher caliber? I must say, my answer to those questions were all No's!!!
As a lady, I feel that those women are suffering from a case of low self-esteem and the inability to see themselves as someone deserving of the better things life has to offer. I cannot fathom what the women of today might have to choose from in a man since I have not been single since 2001. Actually, if you are one that considers being in a monogamous relationship without the title of husband/wife, I can say that I have not had long periods whereas I was single since the age of 16. That having been said, I do not have lots of advice on the ins and outs of women choosing men that do not have themselves together 100%. I can only gather that they do not feel as though they deserve a man that has himself together so I asked for advice and only received advice from two men.
Male #1: "The reason women get with men that are less intimidating is because a real man is going to check them, those women are not going to want to hear that. They are not going to want to do what he says because what the world is pushing on women is independence and that they don’t need a man, they don’t need a “REAL MAN", and that they need someone that is beneath them, someone they can control."
Male #2: "Women and men settle for what their preference is. “Real Men” is not a title because everybody is different. You have different types of men and women and every person have certain people they prefer, it's that simple. You may like regular weed and someone else may not, their preference is Kush (a form of marijuana), you can’t say they are turning down the "real weed" its still just weed at the end of the day. (feeel me)"
As we can see, both men gave great answers but they are coming from a different perspective. If any "LADY" would like to add more insight, please feel free to comment. You can even comment anonymously without opening an account just so your voice can be heard (heard with our eyes in actuality).... Thank you for reading!
*slightly modified
As a lady, I feel that those women are suffering from a case of low self-esteem and the inability to see themselves as someone deserving of the better things life has to offer. I cannot fathom what the women of today might have to choose from in a man since I have not been single since 2001. Actually, if you are one that considers being in a monogamous relationship without the title of husband/wife, I can say that I have not had long periods whereas I was single since the age of 16. That having been said, I do not have lots of advice on the ins and outs of women choosing men that do not have themselves together 100%. I can only gather that they do not feel as though they deserve a man that has himself together so I asked for advice and only received advice from two men.
Male #1: "The reason women get with men that are less intimidating is because a real man is going to check them, those women are not going to want to hear that. They are not going to want to do what he says because what the world is pushing on women is independence and that they don’t need a man, they don’t need a “REAL MAN", and that they need someone that is beneath them, someone they can control."
Male #2: "Women and men settle for what their preference is. “Real Men” is not a title because everybody is different. You have different types of men and women and every person have certain people they prefer, it's that simple. You may like regular weed and someone else may not, their preference is Kush (a form of marijuana), you can’t say they are turning down the "real weed" its still just weed at the end of the day. (feeel me)"
As we can see, both men gave great answers but they are coming from a different perspective. If any "LADY" would like to add more insight, please feel free to comment. You can even comment anonymously without opening an account just so your voice can be heard (heard with our eyes in actuality).... Thank you for reading!
*slightly modified
Sunday, May 12, 2013
~Happiness~
I have to say that no matter what is going on or has transpired in my life, I am literally happy. Though life brings about bad times, I still have an inner joy that cannot be shaken. Things are going to happen regardless of how careful we are and how hard we pray, it is how we deal with things after we are over the initial shock… It is ok to vent, scream, holler, cry and even be angry because those are natural human reactions that should not be suppressed. That does not mean you do not have inner joy and happiness or that you are a negative person. It just means that you have the strength to deal with each situation head-on…
Here are a few definitions of the word Happy:
1. feeling pleasure: feeling or showing pleasure, contentment, or joy
happy smiling faces
2. causing pleasure: causing or characterized by pleasure, contentment, or joy
a happy childhood
3. satisfied: feeling satisfied that something is right or has been done right
Are you happy with your performance?
If you are not happy with your life and the way things are going, do whatever it takes to get your happiness back. I know that it is natural and normal to have moments of sadness. Being that way enables us to appreciate our happy moments even more but I am speaking in terms of overall happiness. Being overall happy is having joy even when you're upset or things aren't going the way we'd like. As always, thanks for reading and until next time.
*originally posted to my facebook page July 30, 2010 with a few new additions
Here are a few definitions of the word Happy:
1. feeling pleasure: feeling or showing pleasure, contentment, or joy
happy smiling faces
2. causing pleasure: causing or characterized by pleasure, contentment, or joy
a happy childhood
3. satisfied: feeling satisfied that something is right or has been done right
Are you happy with your performance?
If you are not happy with your life and the way things are going, do whatever it takes to get your happiness back. I know that it is natural and normal to have moments of sadness. Being that way enables us to appreciate our happy moments even more but I am speaking in terms of overall happiness. Being overall happy is having joy even when you're upset or things aren't going the way we'd like. As always, thanks for reading and until next time.
*originally posted to my facebook page July 30, 2010 with a few new additions
~My Desire~ *A Love Letter*
I want you...
I crave you...
I need to see more of you...
If they come without you, I am not letting them in...
You mean so much to me that words cannot even explain…
If you ever leave me, I will no longer be able to make it in life...
When I hurt, you help…
When I cry, you cheer me up....
When I fall, you always pick me up...
You are the reason I am able to wake up everyday...
If you EVER leave me, I will no longer be able to make it in life....
I am serious, you are mine and I will not have it any other way...
Who are you?? My desire, POSITIVITY is who you are…
You are mine and I am never letting you go!!!
Love, Calz
P.S.
POSITIVITY, I have a confession, I am a polygamist!! I have asked LOVE, WISDOM, KNOWLEDGE, COMMON SENSE, and UNDERSTANDING to marry me as well!! If that is fine with you, we can all be one unit! I think that it is ok because we will be good together… It is better to be together than when we are apart. I make this solemn vow to stay together for the rest of my days…
facebook page December 23, 2009
I crave you...
I need to see more of you...
If they come without you, I am not letting them in...
You mean so much to me that words cannot even explain…
If you ever leave me, I will no longer be able to make it in life...
When I hurt, you help…
When I cry, you cheer me up....
When I fall, you always pick me up...
You are the reason I am able to wake up everyday...
If you EVER leave me, I will no longer be able to make it in life....
I am serious, you are mine and I will not have it any other way...
Who are you?? My desire, POSITIVITY is who you are…
You are mine and I am never letting you go!!!
Love, Calz
P.S.
POSITIVITY, I have a confession, I am a polygamist!! I have asked LOVE, WISDOM, KNOWLEDGE, COMMON SENSE, and UNDERSTANDING to marry me as well!! If that is fine with you, we can all be one unit! I think that it is ok because we will be good together… It is better to be together than when we are apart. I make this solemn vow to stay together for the rest of my days…
facebook page December 23, 2009
Saturday, May 4, 2013
~Support System~
Life can be so hard at time’s…. It seems that when you feel that everything is working out, here comes a setback. Most setbacks are not here to harm us, they come to build character and make us understand that things will not always go the way we feel they should go. The setback can also make us seem as though we are having a pity party in the eyes of other people. That is why it is so important to have a support system… Even if it is one person that lives in another country, a support system is necessary. I am the type of person that tends to feel misunderstood often…. I know that I am not the only one but it seems like it is a constant thing for me… Knowing this, I tend to go into my own shell when I feel that life is getting too hard to handle. My motto is, MY MISERY DOESN’T LOVE COMPANY…I have even attempted suicide when I was either 13 or 14 because I did not have a support system. It did not stop there…. I had gone through the repercussions and attempted to live a normal life after realizing that I had a second chance at life...
~~~Fast Forward~~~~
I was enrolled in Finney High School in 1995 and had my guards up at first but then I met new friends and caught up with old ones too that I was able to actually lean on in my times of need. I hope that I was there for them too… Those friends were amazing and without them, I do not know if I would have been able to make it during those times. Whether it is family or just an acquaintance, always make sure to have someone that will listen. Even now as an adult, I have gone through my first baby dying in my arms. A niece dying due to birth defects, my mother and father passing away, clinical depression, I was hit head-on by a drunk driver in 2009 and now having chronic pain that I am dealing with on a daily basis due to that accident. I almost lost hope but God will not allow me to have that mindset. Along with prayer and my support system, I feel that I can handle whatever is thrown my way… I have even learned how to compartmentalize the things that come my way in order to decrease stress. I am on a mission to become a better me.
In conclusion, there will be times when you do not feel like being bothered with people. That is totally fine because we all need alone time obviously to cleanse and regroup. The moral to this story is to let somebody in and allow him or her to be….
~~~Your Personal Support System~~~
*Originally posted to my personal facebook page December 2010 but has been revised
~Destorted Perception~
We have all either met, or been those people who are "negative" - negative thinkers who consistently view the glass as half-empty and nothing is ever going well in their lives. I am not speaking in terms of your typical person with normal feelings and emotions but that person that is here to pull you and everyone else down to their level. That person that once you end that phone call, you yourselves are ready to jump off a bridge. Well, I am here to tell you, let those people go their way if there is nothing you can do to encourage them and help pull them up from sinking in their own pitiful quicksand...
Having had a destorted perception of myself has held me back in many instances so I figured I would post this information. I do feel as though I am a positive person primarily, but sometimes, negative things visit my mind. Thing is, I fight them and I don't let them change me into a bitter person that only want others to fail. A distorted perception of myself is something that I have had a hard time battling during periods in my lifetime… I highly suggest persistence and resistance because being that way was a horrid way to be and you are literally trapped in your very own personal prison. You are sinking in your very own pitiful quicksand that will be hard to escape. Other people can only take so much. It all boils down to confidence and personal growth. You have to always realize the problem first, and then work towards a solution.
As stated by Linda Dessau a self-coach, in certain situations, particularly stressful ones, even the most positive person can fall victim to this distorted thinking. As a creative artist, this kind of thinking can keep us away from our art and can keep us from enjoying it even when we manage to keep at it.
Distorted Perceptions Seem Real to Us
I've recently started performing at a monthly "open mic" event, and it's been a very positive experience. This is a big change from the intense stage fright I used to have. Back then, as the sign-up sheet was being passed around from table to table, I probably would have been thinking:
"I just KNOW I'm going to screw up."
This is an example of "predictive" thinking - when we're sure we know how something will turn out, or what someone else is thinking. Predictive thinking tends to come true (have you heard of the term "a self-fulfilling prophecy"), so be careful about what you're consciously predicting! If that's something you can imagine yourself thinking, try this thought on instead:
"I can't know exactly what will happen, so I'm going to aim to have a great time up there!" Imagine how different your performance will be with THAT thought instead of the first one.
Or maybe I would have thought: "I'm so nervous - I'm never going to be good at performing!"
This is an example of black and white thinking. We're either good at something or we're bad at it. There are only two options, with nothing in between. This doesn't give us any room to learn, explore, grow, fail, try again or get better. Try this thought, instead:
"I'm becoming a better and more experienced performer every time I do it." Imagine the difference to your performance!
Put It Into Play
Choose one of your creative goals. Now, write down all of the thoughts you have about it. Just vent everything - whatever comes to mind (use a computer keyboard if that's easier for you).
Watch for any patterns of distorted perception. Are you predicting how something will turn out? Are you using black & white thinking?
When you come across an example of distorted perception, write down a more positive thought that challenges it.
Predictive thinking and black & white thinking are just two examples of the many ways our creativity can fall victim to distorted perceptions. Watch out for these so that the true voice of your creativity can be heard.
Distorted Perceptions Seem Real to Us
I've recently started performing at a monthly "open mic" event, and it's been a very positive experience. This is a big change from the intense stage fright I used to have. Back then, as the sign-up sheet was being passed around from table to table, I probably would have been thinking:
"I just KNOW I'm going to screw up."
This is an example of "predictive" thinking - when we're sure we know how something will turn out, or what someone else is thinking. Predictive thinking tends to come true (have you heard of the term "a self-fulfilling prophecy"), so be careful about what you're consciously predicting! If that's something you can imagine yourself thinking, try this thought on instead:
"I can't know exactly what will happen, so I'm going to aim to have a great time up there!" Imagine how different your performance will be with THAT thought instead of the first one.
Or maybe I would have thought: "I'm so nervous - I'm never going to be good at performing!"
This is an example of black and white thinking. We're either good at something or we're bad at it. There are only two options, with nothing in between. This doesn't give us any room to learn, explore, grow, fail, try again or get better. Try this thought, instead:
"I'm becoming a better and more experienced performer every time I do it." Imagine the difference to your performance!
Put It Into Play
Choose one of your creative goals. Now, write down all of the thoughts you have about it. Just vent everything - whatever comes to mind (use a computer keyboard if that's easier for you).
Watch for any patterns of distorted perception. Are you predicting how something will turn out? Are you using black & white thinking?
When you come across an example of distorted perception, write down a more positive thought that challenges it.
Predictive thinking and black & white thinking are just two examples of the many ways our creativity can fall victim to distorted perceptions. Watch out for these so that the true voice of your creativity can be heard.
© Copyright Linda Dessau, 2005.
Linda Dessau, the Self-Care Coach, helps artists enhance their creativity by addressing their unique self-care issues.
Linda Dessau, the Self-Care Coach, helps artists enhance their creativity by addressing their unique self-care issues.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Linda_Dessau
As always, thank you for reading... Until next time!
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