IF YOU ARE MARRIED AND YOUR HUSBAND TELLS YOU HE DOES NOT APPROVE OF SOMETHING, OUT OF RESPECT, SHOULD YOU CUT IT OUT OR IS IT CONSIDERED "CONTROLLING"?
Calz: There were plenty of situations that my husband and I have butted heads. I have felt that he is controlling and vice versa. Nonetheless, we have come to an understanding and no longer feel that the other is controlling because we know that we have one another’s best interest at heart. That took years but we had to learn one another and grow together as a unit. I say it takes lots of maturity as a couple and you both need to desensitize in regards to feeling as though you are being controlled.
Wife-I: It depends on what he wants you to cut out. If it is something like talking on the phone with family, and he wants that to stop, it is controlling. If it is something like him not wanting you to wear a very low cut shirt, then it is not.
Wife-II: As long as my hubby ASKS me to stop something, at the very least, I will consider it. Then a dialogue is needed. Why does he not approve? How long has he felt this way? If he brings up valid and logical points and reasons, then more than likely I will stop/change, or cut down the habit. Many women do not realize that your spouses’ feelings are important. So are yours. I rely heavily on prayer, communication, and compromise in my marriage. You have to stop looking at things from a one-sided point of view. Think of how you feel when he does things YOU do not approve of. At least consider his side.
Wife-III (Kimberly Rookard): I think out of respect, I would stop. I feel like because I am his wife I should make him happy since I know if I asked him to stop something he would.
Wife-IV (Crystal Jason): If my husband asks me to stop doing something I will do it especially if he feels disrespected.......But he only does that in serious situations and yes I do listen...
Wife-V: If the husband is a strong leader of his household, intelligent, truly loves and knows what’s best for his wife and children, says he doesn’t approve of a certain situation, give reasons behind why he thinks the situation is not the best THEN the wife…out of respect, out of knowing that her husband is a proven leader and knows what’s best for his family’s safety and cohesiveness will stop. As leader of his family, he will have the vision and best interest of his wife / family in mind. The wife will be on the same page… she will have knowledge, understanding, and intelligence to realize IF the situation is not best (PERFECT RELATIONSHIP)…
However, we marry people not on the same level… One may be intelligent and have understanding, the other does not, OR one-person want to compromise, the other does not…then it seems each person is trying to have their way… Compromising is taboo as well as logic, reasoning, and understanding. We date these same people. Once we become intertwined in marriage, the individual ways are magnified. If marriage survives, the couple may learn each other, make it work and if asked to stop a certain situation it may or may not happen.
SHOULD THE WORD "OBEY" BE IN MARITAL VOWS? WHAT IS THE MEANING OF "OBEY" TO WOMEN?
Calz: I cannot remember my marital vows but I do feel that you should tailor your marital vows to fit your lifestyle. For me, to "obey" is to be submissive. Not saying that he can utilize that word to fit his desires only but I feel as though I must do my part as a wife. I pretty much know how to stay in my place.
Wife-I: Obey is a very strong word. With me, it has to go both ways. Respect goes with obey. I do not believe a married woman must sit back and do everything her husband says because the husband takes away her voice. Her input is important in making their marital life happy.
Wife-II: I, myself did not recite that particular part. (Judge did not include them) I believe the word "respect" should replace that word. Neither of us are children. If I love, honor, and respect you; then that is the key to a solid marriage. Obey implies that I am not equal…
Wife-III: I do not think “obey” should be in the vows because that would give the man a sense of control.
Wife-IV: Yes, I think “obey” should be in vows but it goes both ways in a marriage. To my husband and me obey is not about control but about respect… I feel that any man or woman who cannot respect or "obey" their significant other should not be married. Marriage takes work and it needs to be done on both sides...
Wife-V: Marital vows can be whatever promises you want to make specifically for your marriage. People often write their own vows. The traditional marriage vows are from the Roman Catholic Church. Another ‘church’ voted to remove the word ‘obey’. If a couple is torn before the marriage regarding one word ‘obey’ they should evaluate if they should be married at all.
What is the meaning of "Obey" to women?
I think when a woman hears the word ‘obey’ she takes it technical that her spouse has to tell her what to do, she has to do it and she automatically starts to think about all of the things she’s not going to do. Literally, ‘obey’ means following instructions in which we are required to do daily in every situation… Not just marriage... In marriage, if your husband truly loves you, he will not tell you to run out in traffic and expect you to do it. However, if he says do not go to the gas station after dark, it would be an ‘instruction’ to really consider due to dangerous times. Understanding the meaning and context of words is helpful.
In closing, both subjects are common amongst marriages so don't feel like you're the only ones dealing with these types of situations. You are not alone and as you can see, the wives have spoken!! Thank you for your request and thank you ladies for your intelligent feedback. As always...Stay tuned for my next blog entry... There is a request in regards to husbands/mates disliking your male best friends... Whose side should you choose? Thank you for reading!
*Slightly Modified*
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