Ladies...If you have a male best friend that your husband/significant other do not like, do you tell him to suck it up or leave? Do you tell your best friend out of respect for your husband/significant other, the two of you cannot associate?
Calz: I do not have any male friends because my husband does not feel that it is appropriate in our marital situation. I would not mind having a male best friend because I may want his opinion on a few issues in which I may not want to burden my husband. I have attempted to have male “friends” during my lifetime and at least 90% wanted to have a sexual relationship. That is the sole reason my husband does not want me having male friends. My definition of a male best friend is someone who I can call and talk to no matter how busy we are. We can go see a movie with no stings attached and etc. Some would say; “Oh, you have a husband for all of that”… That is true but I am thinking along the lines of someone that is unbiased and that can give me something I know I cannot get with having women friends. I am the type that does not trust easily. I have always stated that people are guilty until proven innocent. I trust men easier because I have always had close relationships with men starting with my dad.
Lady-A: This has happened to me; my friend had to choose between his wife and myself. He chose his wife, and secretly kept the friendship. His wife thinks there was an intimate relationship but there wasn‘t. Therefore, she does not want us to have an association. As time went by, he eventually reached out again but not to the degree that the friendship was. Our association is now once every three to six months to say the least… When he does come around, he lies to his wife. My friend’s wife does not know that we still talk even though it is an innocent friendship... He chose to keep her happy instead of keeping the friendship as it was. It all boils down to trust, until there is a concrete reason that confirms your suspicion, you are just dealing with insecurity issues… We all need somebody on the outside at times. When it comes down to your wife having to choose a side, it might be more comfortable for your wife to have a male friend since females are catty…
Lady-B: I have been in this situation and I felt torn, I wanted my man to be comfortable and did not want to feel like my man was being controlling. I want to feel like my mate has trust in me. I kept both my best friend and my man whom is now ok with my relationship with my best friend. I was willing to bend a little in this situation but, he does not have that much power, nor can he tell me what to do as my man… If I was a slut bucket, and my man did not trust me, he would not have come to grips with the friendship but since there is trust, all is well. I’ll never disrespect him but there is a line… I’ll always care about his opinions, as a woman I have a certain amount of tolerance and he will not take that from me…
In closing, I feel that the three of you need to come to some type of an understanding just as in Lady-participant A's situation because in order for your wife to have to choose, she’s being faced with the fact that she is going to eventually lose a loved one along the way. She loves you as her husband but she also has a love for her male best friend based on the bond that they have created. In choosing, she must choose her husband because it is only right in so many ways but to force her to choose, either she is going to resent you or as lady participant-A has stated in her situation, she will have him as a friend behind your back. Either way, this situation will work out but just be aware that this is somewhat a no win sort of situation. Thank you for your request! Stay tuned for more blog entries and thank you all for reading.
*Slightly Modified
Mister- I just had this situation and in spite of the way I felt from the beginning, I tolerated her having a male friend but she shared with me that they had a mutual attraction but the timing was never right. So that let me know that it really wasn't platonic and that attraction is probably still there on one or both sides. Well after observing the relationship I felt uncomfortable with it and expressed this to her only for her to dismiss how I felt and continue the "Friendship". He would make little slick comments and she would act like she didn't catch it and I'm over reacting. He would text her asking if she could talk...she never spoke or even answer his calls around me. He has a fiancé who isn't comfortable with the friendship and knows he cheats so when my wife was planning her birthday party at our house, I told her if she was going to invite him to be sure to tell him to bring her because every time he comes around he never brings her which I feel is odd. Well she said she told him to bring her and was lying to me so I told her the relationship is over! To lie to me about that was the last straw on top of the other suspect things i noticed. Now if she chooses to sneak and continue to communicate with him then she would have chosen him over our marriage.
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